You Must Learn How to Manage Your Emotions

Managing Emotions

Emotions are a central element to all of our lives. Life simply would not be worth living if we could not experience joy, wonder, and all other affirmative emotions. However, in order to experience those positive emotions, we must also experience the negative, harmful ones, and when we all allow these emotions to rule our lives, then we inevitably suffer consequences.

That is why it is so crucial for our well-being that we learn how to manage our emotions. You don’t want to eliminate them, of course, but you also should not attempt to control your emotions. Emotions are instinctive, involuntary, and any efforts to truly control them will simply result in distortion and emotional confusion. In order to live a healthy, balanced life, you need to be willing to experience all of the emotions that life has to offer.

But just because you don’t try to control your emotions does not mean that your emotions should be allowed to control you. By managing our emotions, we can work to ensure that we are never overwhelmed by our negative emotions, that they are redirected in positive, constructive directions.

So how do you manage your emotions? Well, before you can begin to work on managing your emotions, you must first learn to identify them. This is easier said than done. Oftentimes, we either fail to acknowledge our true emotions, or misattribute or downplay them. Say, for example, that you find yourself snapping at a bartender for making you the wrong drink. At first glance, it seems that the primary emotion here is anger or annoyance. However, it’s quite possible, if not likely, that the emotion that’s really at issue is something totally unrelated to this particular incident. Maybe you experienced a financial setback and are feeling frustrated, or maybe you are undergoing relationship problems and feel sad as a result. Only by actually stopping to think about and analyze your emotions will you be able to accurately pinpoint just what you’re feeling at a given moment.

And it’s crucial that you are able to accurately gauge your emotions in order to move on to the next step: identifying their sources. When you feel angry or hurt, ask yourself why? What’s the true cause? Keep in mind, the immediate cause and the true cause are not always the same, as in the example above. If your boss asks you to work late and you feel extreme anger towards him, the true cause is most likely not that he asked you to work late—an annoyance, but not enough to elicit a strong response—but, more likely, an underlying frustration you have with him. Maybe you feel he does not appreciate you. Maybe you think he has a personal grudge against you. By really considering the root cause of your emotions, you’ll be in much better shape to manage them.

The next and final step is to take action, either physical or mental. This is where the actual managing of emotions comes in. As I said, you don’t want to either eliminate or control your emotions. You do want to refocus them in a positive manner, and you do that by taking constructive action. Let’s go back, for example, to the incident with the bartender bringing the wrong drink. The negative, nonproductive action you could take would be to yell at the waiter. You might think this would vent your frustration, and perhaps it would to a degree, but in all likelihood the primary result will be feelings of guilt and regret on your part, and the underlying sadness or frustration would remain. A more constructive physical action would be to politely point out the error, which would undoubtedly be amended as quickly as possible. You’ll feel better, and your problem will be resolved quicker.

Positive mental actions are more a question of adjusting your perspective of the issue in question. While you can’t control your emotions, you can control your response to them, and by framing the problem in a more positive light, you’ll find yourself feeling happier and better adjusted. So maybe, instead of yelling and instead of returning the incorrect drink, you can decide to see the mistake as an opportunity to try a drink you’d normally avoid. Maybe you’ll like it, maybe you won’t, but either way you’ll have had a new, worthwhile experience. And if your boss makes you work late, instead of complaining about the extra hours or sulking over the perceived injustice, you can instead choose to work diligently and complete your assignment as quickly and satisfactorily as possible. In fact, you can see this not as an imposition, but rather as an opportunity to win over your boss and prove your value to the company. And later on, if you do choose to ask for a raise, promotion, or reassignment, your case will be much stronger if you quietly, diligently completed your extra work, rather than whined and grudgingly did the minimum required.

Through identification, analysis, and our physical and mental responses, we are able to manage our emotions, and thereby live happier, more satisfying lives.